I have been talking to mums, locally, about keeping our children close. About setting boundaries around our children so that they can function at the level they are capable of – this certainly reduces the number of times that Mum has to say “No” or correct their children. But when we do that it means limiting our own freedom – if I have to keep my child close to me that means they come with me when I hang the laundry, it means they sit beside me when I read, it means I take them with me when I have coffee with a friend. They need to be with me if I am going to train them in the things that they need to learn.
This week I told Daniel that he didn’t have a choice in a particular matter and his answer back to me, in a very calm voice was “Yes, Mum, I do have a choice!” He wasn’t angry, he was just stating a fact as he sees it.
He was either missing the point or I have missed some training. I think the latter. So for the remainder of this week we are entering “Boot Camp”. I know from previous experience that you have to have a plan and you have to have a clear goal.
My goal is in the area of submission. He is not obedient (quickly carrying out the directions of his authority).
My goal is to have him obedient
- No arguing, no complaining,
- Verbal response – yes Mum
- Doing it immediately
- With a happy heart
- Completing it and reporting back to me.
(I’ve listed these in the areas of importance with where he is at)
See more Character-Notes on Obedience on my website.
My plan for this boot camp, is to reduce the opportunities he has for making his own choices which will give more opportunities for me to give directions, which will give more opportunities for him to either accept or not accept.
He needs to know what is expected (standard of obedience)
He needs to value my words (as an authority in his life)
There are some secondary concerns that will also be addressed in this Boot Camp
- to be able to play by himself, initially for 30min and stretching to 1 hour
- to be able to follow instructions at table time
- to reduce the pull TV and Computer has on him.
To be prepared for this, I need to:
- Reorganise our routine to allow for the priorities we see in Daniels life.
- To plan activities for Daniel to include outside time, focus activities, fine motor manipulative activities, responsibilities training.
I often encourage mums to write out their battle plan to know what they are working on, and how they are going to achieve it. I share this battle plan with you in the spirit of giving an example of how I do this in our home.
We use the words "In a timely manner" for our kids who wheren't doing what we told when we told. Wording can make a WORLD of difference. Our oldest 13 was have so much trouble with this and couldn't understand why would ground him even though he eventually did the chores. I finnaly found the words "in a timely manner" and it worked!
Ah, so this is what you meant by Boot Camp! Good idea Belinda 🙂 I'm sure you will soon see results.
I've enjoyed reading about all you've been getting done lately – it motivated me as I got ready for our inspection this week!
Have a great weekend,