One of the hard things for a mum to do is to give responsibility to a younger child when the older has it well accomplished. Having our children help us with chores etc is a very helpful thing, and when the older children master these skills it is very easy to rely on them and in so doing, miss training the younger ones to gain the very same skills.
We must move them all up the ladder, so to speak, from one responsibility to another.
Here are a few ways which I’ve found helpful (though it is always a challenge I have before me)
- Rotate Chores – I have divided my house into 5 main areas. I take one and the children rotate the other four. This means when one child – a younger child – has a week doing a chore that they are not very competent in, I need to work along side of them. This is how and when training happens. A rotation means that eventually everyone will be well trained, and well practiced in all four areas.
- Having my children designated to a specific area of the house for a whole week means that when I set out to do something beyond their regular chores within that sphere I call on them for help (or training) regardless of their competency. E.g. If the older is in the kitchen for example I may ask them to bake an extra dessert, but if the younger is in the kitchen that week I would ask them to work along side of me as I bake the extra dessert.
- Increase their areas of Responsibility – When I feel it is time for a younger to take on a responsibility that the older is already doing, I find another responsibility for the older to be trained in. There is always something more to learn. For example, as Nomi needed extra training in housecleaning, I moved Jessica into the office. By the time Daniel came old enough to take on the lawn, Joshua was working outside of the home (so that worked well!)
- Give the older one a break. There is no rule that says everyone must be doing the same amount of work at the same time. There can be seasons where one child has a responsibility that isn’t matched by anything another child has.
Bottom line is – we simply need to set aside time for specific training. This is where the rubber meets the road – its gotta be done! We cannot expect our younger children to do tasks without training – I am sure we spent time training the older ones!
One other thought to consider – As I make the time to train the younger ones in responsibility I see in them a ‘growing up’; something inside of them grows to the level of responsibility we give them. I think this is one of the issues that we often see between the oldest and the youngest siblings – one seems always to be more mature. I wonder how much of this is because we give so much responsibility to the oldest and we don’t give that responsibility to the youngest. I believe this needn’t be the case – but we have to work on it!
Funny you should write about this. I have just this morning divided my chores up so that each child has a job appropriate to their age and skills. I work a little differently to you in that we all work together in one space for cleaning time, rotating through my house in “zones”. My eldest will be doing floors this week as we go, the younger ones will be doing dusting or washing fingerprints off walls. I will inspect, train, and do windows.
I look forward to the day when they can work independently and do the job well.
Best wishes
Jen in NSW
Hi Jen – Good on you for doing the zones things together. I have always been convinced that is the best way to train children – working along side of them. For some reason it didn’t happen in our house though! We do it that way when we are doing a spring clean – or simply attacking a room because it got out out control! Believe me – the day will come when you will see the fruit of your training years.
I really appreciate all your writings as I receive them via e-mail! We are new at HS and also have different point of view w.r.t. training the kids and giving them chores to our parents, so I for one, wasn’t sure how to tackle it.
We only have two boys aged 5 and 2.7 yrs, and I started them off with keeping their room neat and tidy when they are done playing. Funny enough the youngest is more keen on picking up after playing than the oldest. The oldest is also supposed to make his bed neat in the mornings (top bunk bed), and now the youngest follows the example and try and help me make his bed. The youngest also have to bring in the dog bowls twice a day, and the oldest then (with my help) put the right amount of food out.
Unfortunately we aren’t very consistent, which I know is something I have to work on. Are there other chores I can start them on? We have the basic things of, if you make a mess, you clean it up, and after eating you take your plate, cup, etc. to the kitchen. I thought of getting them to help me sort the washing, and the oldest can maybe help me to hang the towels on the line.
I think the main thing is to get into a set routine first?
Thanks for all your information on the site. It really helps a starter-mom like me.
Yes having a routine for cleaning your house is really important. Have you seen today’s post, 10 tips to get your children to do chores? It outlines some principles that we have used.
But as for what chores to work on – Picking up their toys, making their bed, doing the dishes/dishwasher (we started with plastics and cutlery around 2-3), wiping down the bathroom sink (3-4yo), putting their clothes away (4-5yo), wiping fingerprints, emptying wastepaper bins, watering potplants, peeling veggies, bringing in the groceries from the car after shopping, help sort the laundry, hang t.towels/underwear and t.shirts on low clotheslines. That sounds like a great start really doesn’t it! If you have your kids with you when you are doing your daily chores, and see what they could do in each room – especially the 5yo.
Thanks! Yes I receive all your posts.
Come to think of it, they normally help me with most things around the house, like wiping the bath down just before I take them out, wiping the table where they ate, they saw hubby helped me everytime after shopping, so they also got a bag each to carry. I can even ask the older one to get certain products off the shelf in the shop as he knows some of them by their packaging and would look only for that brand! So maybe it is just a case of being constant, having a set routine. They are very keen to help and although not always able, they like trying and doing those things they can, leaving the rest for me or hubby.
Thanks again, it gives me the much needed encouragement to continue. We just feel that if we don’t start laying foundations now, we will have rebels on our hands if we try to get them to help around the house later on.