Perfectionism is a heart attitude that affects our life: It affects our acceptance of ourselves, our parenting, our marriage, our business and our faith.
I have a series on Instagram you can see here where I joined with other women talking about how to resist this urge for perfectionism. You can see it here.
If we struggle with perfectionism we need to identify when it raises its head and then walk away from it – every time. It is not good for us nor for our kids. At the end of this post I have a Heart Booster Journal Page as a free download. As you use these journal prompts when you start to feel perfectionism raise it’s head you’ll be on a path to overcoming.
Perfectionism Distracts us from our Purpose.
As a Christian, my purpose is to love God and love others. My purpose is to grow more like Him and honour Him in all that I do so that others see Him as Lord, Saviour, God.
The thing that has helped me with the idea of purpose over perfect is to keep my eyes on the main thing.
Keep the main thing the main thing.
The main thing for me is relationships. Every time. Relationship with God, with myself, with people around me.
In talking to women about this many perfectionists have asked me: But what if being perfect is the main thing? When they ask me this they know that it isn’t – they know that perfection isn’t really attainable, they know it messes up stuff, but something in them shuts everything else out and they keep on striving towards this unattainable goal. Is that you?
The only way to overcome and learn a new mindset is to be self-aware. To know when this thinking is directing your choices – and then to make time to deal with it. When you feel that perfectionist rising up, it is time for some Reflective Heart Time. Time to think about what is going on in your heart and how that is affecting your choices.
– What is in my heart (what am I believing or valuing or feeling) right now?
– Is that a belief I want to hold onto?
– Is that a value I want to live by?
– Is that a feeling that I want to direct my choices?
– What is happening around me?
– Is it good fruit or bad?
– Is it building up or tearing down?
– Is it people-pleasing or God-pleasing?
– What do I believe success looks like at this moment? and
– How would God define success in this situation?
-What do I need to change to be
-God-honouring successful in this moment?
Once you’ve done the thinking – take it to God in prayer! The Holy Spirit will help you move on from this wrong thinking to thinking in line with God’s word. God’s word says that we are loved. Fullstop. God made us, loved us, redeemed us, restored us, He lives within us, strengthens us, guides us, teaches us. And we don’t have to do anything for that. What we do does not earn this love. It is grace.
Knowing that we are loved by God changes how we relate to people and the circumstances we find ourselves in. We can overcome perfectionism by renewing our mind. That is, by constantly focusing on what Jesus says is true rather than what the world tells us is true. Romans 12:2 Don’t copy the behaviour and customs of this world but let God
transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
I have created a journal page with those questions listed. Print off a few to have on hand for when that attitude of perfection starts to show up.
Perfectionism Heart Reflection
Free download to help you renew your mind from perfectionism
Know my Purpose
As a Christian, my purpose is to love God and love others. My purpose is to grow more like Him and honor Him in all that I do so that others see Him as Lord, Saviour, God. When the attitude of perfectionism rises up it distracts us, and distorts the truth in that moment. So when fear or doubt takes hold in our mind – and starts to direct our choices – we mush renew our mind. Wemust take every thought (that is not in keeping with God’s Word) captive.
There are two things that we need to focus on when we get sideswiped by the desire for perfection:
-1- All we do is to honour God. While we strive for perfection are we honouring God/ We might think that we are striving for excellence and surely God is into that – but are we really? While we strie for excellence around our house we are frustrated with our husband and demanding with our kids? That doesn’t honour God.
-2- We are to love God and love others. While I’m striving for excellence am I loving others? Usually not. Usually when I get perfecting in my sights it is either for my glory, or out of fear that others are going to judge me. Neither are attitudes that are going to help me love God and love others.
As we replace wrong thinking with Godly thinking – our actions start to change.
Our family becomes a place of joy, love, purpose.
Our some becomes a place of generosity and grace.
Our body becomes a gift from God that is used to bless others.
If perfection is something you struggle with download the Heart Booster Reflective Heart Time Journal page for Perfectionism. It will help you be self-aware so you can work through what is going on in your heart in that moment of striving for perfection.
Heart Focused Action Step:
Ask yourself – what motivates you to do the things you need to do?
Does perfectionism stop you from doing the things you need to do?
Book a Coaching call today to talk more about the wrong thinking of perfectionism. Checkout the coaching packages available here.
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Be Intentional: Know what Defines you: When you know who you are, and what your purpose is; you are able to be intentional in all areas of your life.
The Issue of Comparing Ourselves: Comparing ourselves with others is not helpful, instead we need to know how we can learn from others.
Be Content in the Season of Life that is Now: Our life is made up of different seasons. To be content in the season of life that is now will help you find opportunities and accept limitations.
Be Careful about Wrong Information Stored in your Heart: When we have the wrong information in our heart it makes us make wrong choices. Make sure we are believing what is true so we can honour God in all we do.