I want to end the year well – don’t you?  And yet it is so busy, here in Australia we have the end of school, and with that comes concerts, and graduations, and parties.  We have Christmas – and all that comes with that. A lot of people head off on holidays to catch up with family or just visit somewhere new.  It is a crazy busy time of year. Oh yeah, and while all this happens, we still have to parent.  We still need to be intentional, relational, and heart-focused parents.  So how do we stay connected with our kids, doing the important things, doing these fun things, and these things that build memories and not be distracted?  That is what I’m talking about today – how to be fully present at this time of the year.

​How to be Fully Present in December as You Plan Christmas

Parenting is hard and it is easy to get frustrated over the things we face every day – especially when we have plans and they get interrupted.
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Our default is to control the child, or control the circumstances – but really we will be better parents when we control ourselves.⁠  The more you are in control of yourself as a mother, the more successful you’ll feel as a mother.

I have said it many times – parenting is not about what our children do, but it is about what we do next. And the question is – will you respond in a way that is true to your values, or will you lose it?

And if, as Christians, we believe in love, mercy, and grace (coming from God to us) then we believe that when we make wrong choices as a parent, we can continue to walk in his love, mercy, and grace – and that means forgiveness and the strength to grow and change – so keep that in mind as things get busy in the next few weeks.

Two character traits that are so central to responding well as a parent are availability and awareness. These work together for us to be fully present and engaged both physically and emotionally with what is going on in our family. ⁠
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And yet it is a challenge that’s for sure. So much to do – so many distractions – so much tiredness – and so little time. ⁠
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But it is up to us. If we want to respond to our kids in ways that are consistent with our values – we need to control how we respond.⁠

Being Present with Our Kids

Awareness and Availability are two key character traits for parenting and I plan to dig deeper into these two character traits and how they help a mum in all we do next year but let’s think about how they can help us right now as Christmas is just around the corner.

Let’s define these character traits so we know what we are talking about:

Awareness: Knowing what is happening around us and how that is affecting people
Availability: Being ready to be involved

The conflict comes when we have our agenda for the day, and our children (or maybe other people) have their needs and there is a conflict. We get pulled in different directions and we have to choose – what do we focus on? Sometimes our choice is subconscious and we keep focusing on the project in front of us and our children’s voices and behaviour fade into the background – until something happens and yanks us back to dealing with their needs.

As we prepare for our family celebrations around Christmas this happens even more as we have extra projects and activities on our mind. Here are a few key ideas to think about to help you be present at this time of the year:

{first up} Being present doesn’t mean you are always fully focused on your kids. They need to be able to play on their own, solve problems on their own (as is age-appropriate), and have patience and awareness of others to know that the world doesn’t revolve around them.  So the idea of being fully present doesn’t mean you are solely focused on your child (all day, until they are in bed), but rather you know the priority for this moment, and you are focused on that priority – in that moment.

{2nd idea} Having a family routine (or flexible plan for the day) means there is time for everyone’s needs to be met – yes interruptions and the unexpected will still happen so a flexible plan is the key. When you make a flexible plan you know who is doing what when so you can optimise everyone’s time making sure the important things happen for each person.  A flexible plan also means you can tweak things when those interruptions happen and still focus on what is important. Being present means we should be able to get things done, it doesn’t mean we just do whatever – we can be intentional with our time and energy and still be fully present in the moment.

{3rd}Be realistic about the extra projects and activities you take on. We all have this list (either on paper or in our head) of things we want to happen for Christmas. When are you going to do them? What has to be dropped to make time for them to happen? We can’t keep squeezing in activities to an already full week. Something has to give – and when we consider our time and energies and make an intentional plan we become less frazzled because we are more prepared and less will take us by surprise (not completely, but still, less). 

So be realistic about the plans and projects you take on.  You have to fit them in around the important things already in your life, instead of fitting those important things around these extra projects and activities.

{4th} Make sure you are caring for your wellbeing

And I want to add one more thing to consider that will help you be fully present – and that is self-care. As mothers we carefully make sure our children get enough sleep, have time with their friends, have a safe place to feel all the things, have time to connect with God, and so forth. It’s what we do as mothers (and as fathers). 

The reason we do these things for our kids is that they are not yet in full control of their life – they need either to learn how important these things are or they need our help in making that happen. We are not in the same situation. There is no one to help arrange for us to get enough sleep, eat the right food, spend time with God and friends, etc… We are adults and we need to do that for ourselves – it is our responsibility as we live an adult life! So you may not get to the nail salon, or get that massage you’d love – it isn’t about ‘escaping the kids’ it is about doing what you need to do to do life well. There are seasons where you may have to do this with the kids in the house.

And that is possible – you can teach your kids to play for 30 minutes by themselves, and then set aside the time for you to pause and rest – the more you do it, the easier it will be.  What I really mean is do it every day – and it will become easier both for you and your children. 

It is important – you need to keep yourself refreshed so you are ready to do the things that your family needs. If this idea raises questions for you and you really don’t know how to do it – we can talk over email so you can get this type of recharge happening in your day.  Use this link to email me as  I’m more than happy to email back and forth as you get this idea of self-care into your days.

So just to recap: 

to be present at this time of the year (or any time really)  you need to:
* Have the right understanding of what being present means
* Manage your time
* Be realistic in what you plan
* Look after yourself so you can do life well.

Heart-focused Action Step

Let’s just revisit what it means to be present.  

To be present means you are aware of the spiritual, emotional, physical, social activity going on around you.  You aren’t distracted, you are aware.  

It also means you are available to be involved in the spiritual, emotional, physical or social activities going on around you (as needed). It means you have the spiritual, emotional, physical, and social energy to give to others – and in a parenting context that means to give to your children. 

Create Lasting Memories

As a heart-focused parent, our children’s well-being both physically and internally is our priority.

So as you make plans for the end of the year whoo-ha and all things Christmas – just check with yourself that you are aware and available to your kids’ needs.  Don’t let your to-do list distract you or consume you.

We tell ourselves that activities are what make memories – but they are only the backdrop.  The real thing that makes lasting memories for our kids is our presence.  We have to own up to our own choices – are we choosing to be distracted and distant or are we going to choose to be present – to be aware and available to our kids, who are our priority!

The choice is ours, and like I said, there is forgiveness when we stuff up and a reset that God’s grace gives us.  I am reminded of that verse that says – His Mercies are new every morning. 

Because of the loving devotion of the LORD we are not consumed,

for His mercies never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is Your faithfulness!

“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,

“therefore I will hope in Him.”

Lamentations 3: 22-24  

I always reckon that God is big enough, powerful enough, loves me enough to make his mercies new every moment.  I don’t really have to wait for the new day!  So as we go through our day as a mum, when we get distracted, when we don’t respond with kindness, then God’s mercies never fail.  He is faithful – He will love you, forgive you, and strengthen you to grow and respond in the ways that show your children your love – which reflects His love. 

Hi there! I'm Belinda and I'm glad you are here!

I am a family life coach and help parents to raise their kids with faith, values and life skills in a way that is intentional, relational and heart-focused. Read more in my Introduction page

You can learn about heart-focused parenting through my podcast, blog and weekly email (Heart Boosters).

If you need help you can book a coach call or email me here.

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