Feelings of inadequacy can stop Christians from sharing the gospel with their children. We need to learn to distinguish conviction from condemnation and how to be in a place where you can confidently talk to your kids about Jesus. Your relationship with Jesus is the key – not your eloquent words!
I’m A Christian, But I Feel Inadequate To Talk To My Children About Jesus
If you grapple with these feelings of inadequacy, feeling that you really have no idea of how to impart the knowledge of God and all things faith to your kids, know that you’re not alone. There were many times that the only thing I could do was pray. I had no idea. And yet God tells us that he sent His Spirit to equip us for the tasks that He has for us.
Hebrews 13:20-21 Now may the God of peace, who brought up our Lord Jesus from the dead, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, make you complete in every good work, to do his will, working in you what is well pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.
So the question is, do I believe that or not? Do you believe that or not that God has made you complete in every good work? He has done the work in your heart, so that you can do His will, so that you can do what is well pleasing in his sight.
Parenting is just a context in our life that God will use to make us grow and mature as a Christian. For us to disciple our children, we will have to depend on Him. We will have to stop doing some things and start doing other things. We will have to know him and know his word.
And yet, when we get distracted from doing those things or when we are, maybe haphazard in our obedience, or when our growth in certain matters goes slower than what we’d like, we start to listen to the lies whispered in our ear. ”You are not a good enough Christian to disciple your child.” It’s a lie. It’s a lie and we have to stop believing it.
Then again, there are times when God puts a finger on our heart and convicts us of something in our life that is not right, not glorifying Him. And He wants that changed. So on the one hand, we need to recognise the lies of the evil one who wants to diminish the work that the Holy Spirit has done in your life. And on the other hand, we need to respond to the Holy Spirit when He prompts us to grow up.
The difference is conviction versus condemnation. And I’m sure you’ve heard it before, Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. The Holy Spirit convicts, the evil one condemns. And when we have these feelings of not being adequate enough or not knowing enough, not being faithful enough to teach our children, that is the evil one condemning.
Do the Heart Work and Focus on what is True
I think three things make us feel inadequate as a Christian:
- We compare ourselves with someone else, and comparison is a thief. When we compare ourselves with someone else, we never see the whole picture. We compare only this snapshot of our life. We used to have a book that was a collection of photographs taken at the same time all around the world. And the diversity of people’s experiences was incredible to see. Now the power of that book was that it was a glimpse into different people’s lives at the same moment, and no one was the same. So when we compare, we’re simply not seeing the truth, and we’re not seeing what God has done in our life. We’re not seeing where God has put us. We’re not seeing where God wants to take us. We’re just right here looking at someone else, and we’re not looking at Jesus. So we need to guard our hearts against going there.
- The second thing is that we focus on our sin. When we focus on our sin or on our propensity to do the wrong thing, we are focusing on ourselves, not on Jesus. We are to keep our eyes on Jesus. He promises that he loves us. He has forgiven us, and He is with us. Though we need to deal with the things that we do that don’t bring glory to Him, those things are not our identity. Jesus is our identity. Jesus has given us a new heart. We are a new being. And though our flesh fails us, Jesus is there for forgiveness. And when we live in condemnation, in constant condemnation, we are ignoring the life that he has given us when he rose from the dead.
- And the third thing is, we lie to ourselves. We say that we know we don’t have to be perfect, and yet in our heart of hearts, we still strive to be perfect. We say that God gives us strength, and yet we step out in our own strength. We say that we believe in prayer, but we don’t pray. When there’s this gap between what we believe and what we live – that is exhausting. We need to be honest and real in our walk with Jesus. That’s the whole point of having a relationship with Jesus, is his love, mercy, and grace. We don’t have to pretend. We don’t have to lie to ourselves and lie to other people. I guess pretending is lying to other people. So we need to be honest about the things that we find hard. We need to be honest about the things that we are depending on God’s strength for. And as we are honest, there comes growth. As we are honest, we have connection with other people because other people can see that our words match what we live. And look, our children can see our honesty or our pretense as well.
Heart-focused Parenting Action Step
So I do actually have a heart-focused parenting action step for you today, and that is simply to be honest about your relationship with Jesus and your desire to grow closer to Him. Ask Him to speak to you and help you grow in your faith and obedience. And ask Him how you can teach your children to know, love and obey Him. He is faithful. He will answer you and He will help you.
So we don’t have to pretend to have it all together to teach our children about Jesus. Neither do we have to give that job to somebody else because we are not good enough. Be real in your relationship with Jesus. Grow in your relationship with Jesus. Live day to day with Jesus. Let your children see that, and you will have something real to share with them.
But I don’t feel Qualified
We don’t have to be ashamed of our weaknesses. It is when our weaknesses make us depend on Jesus, that Jesus is glorified (Jesus is seen by others.)
This is so important when we talk about Jesus in our family with our kids. We don’t want infer that we’ve got it together – because we don’t, and we are only glorifying ourselves if we try and say that.
Instead, we need to talk honestly with our kids, talk about our weaknesses, and how Jesus has met us, and helped us, and changed us.
I found having children who are watching my every move made me a very honest Christian. There is no hiding my weaknesses from my kids, but I can choose to let them see me depending on Jesus, or fudging along trying to do it on my own.
God will be seen and known when I let my kids see how I interact with God on a daily basis.
What is your expectation?
A common thought is that we as parents only have 18 years to put into our kids. That is simply not true.
As I was thinking about some of the ways I have encouraged my adult kids in recent times I asked myself – where did that idea come from? Where did the idea come from that we only had 18 years to teach our kids and influence them?
It came from a mindset that was based on our authority.
It’s come from the idea that if I’m the authority they HAVE to listen to me for 18 years.
Look, even if that were true – believe me, they check out way before they turn 18.
The truth is – I’m still learning from my folks – and I’m 60! They still encourage me to focus on Jesus and God’s word as I go through struggles and hard things.
My kids are between 24 and 31 – and we still talk, they still listen.
Focusing on the age of our kids to define our influence is wrong thinking.
The only thing that sets you up to have any influence in your teenager’s life and beyond is to:
- Walk the walk – be honest, be true, be genuine, be authentic
- Be interested in them as a person
- Have the habit of spending time together – them in your world, and you in theirs
- Have a family culture of talking about Jesus
If you have these things happening in your family, you have way more than 18 years to influence your child.
If you don’t have these things – you don’t even have 18 years!
What voice are you listening to?
When you feel inadequate and doubt your ability to teach your children about Jesus – what are those feelings based on?
Is the evil one condemning you – you are just not good enough.
or
Is the Holy Spirit convicting you to dig into God’s word so that you can share His truths?
With condemnation, we feel hopeless.
h conviction, we have hope in the power of the cross.
The Holy Spirit can teach you, guide you, give you wisdom – you just have to ask.
Don’t let the lies of the evil one distract you from the calling to make disciples.
Take Little Moments as Big Opportunities
Yes, we all live busy lives – but we make time for the things that are important to us. We make time for sport, we make time for movies and TV shows, we make time for friends, but do we make time for connecting with Jesus?
Every family will do this differently – but here are 5 different ways you can prioritise God, and time in the Bible with your kids through a busy week.
Time will never become less busy, or less rushed. There is always things to do.
If the Bible and a relationship with God is important, then you’ll make changes so Bible time happens in your regular family life and talking about Jesus becomes normal.
Message me if you have any questions on how you can do this.
Further Reading:
- Jesus is our Example as we Disciple our Kids: Jesus gave us the ‘Great Commission’ and that includes our children.
- Our Children need to Meet Jesus – and We Should Make the Introduction: As Christian parents we want our children to love Jesus and follow God’s word so we have to be wise in how we teach our children about sin and mercy and grace.
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Hi there! I'm Belinda and I'm glad you are here!
I am a family life coach and help parents to raise their kids with faith, values and life skills in a way that is intentional, relational and heart-focused. Read more in my Introduction page
You can learn about heart-focused parenting through my podcast, blog and weekly email (Heart Boosters).
If you need help you can book a coach call or email me here.
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