Consistency is So Important

Consistency is about being reliable.  Can your children depend on you to be reliable, to be the same today and tomorrow, not to be driven by your emotions or tiredness?

It is hard to be consistent in your parenting but when you know what you believe and why you believe it then growing in consistency becomes possible.

If you are just doing things as a parent because it is what you think you should do – you will quickly become inconsistent and that will affect your child’s heart and your relationship with them.

Before we can be consistent though we must let go of this idea that to be consistent means we are 100% (that’s perfection) and that is never our goal.

Learn more by listening to the podcast

 

Consistency Looks Like This

To be consistent you must say what you mean and mean what you say.

Do you struggle with that? I think we tend to think that we are doing this – but if we really listen to ourselves how often do you say something half-hearted? You don’t say what you mean and when you do say something to your kids you don’t really mean it?

**What you do after you say something is what tells our kids you mean it!**

Do you say – “Time to pick up your toys!” and then let them keep playing?
Do you say – “30 minutes of screen time” but don’t follow up?
Do you say – “This is how it is going to be” and then let it slide?

**We must say what we mean and mean what we say. And our actions must support our words. And our words must be consistent with our actions.**

I’m not saying being consistent is easy – but parenting is easier when we are consistent.

Think about why you might let things go instead of following it up:

* Are you avoiding conflict?
* Are you feeling uncertain about what is the right thing to say to your kids?
* Are you trying to make them your friend?
* Do you struggle to set (and keep) boundaries?
* Is there something else going on in your heart?

Being a parent is a situation that made me depend on Jesus. It made me take my fears, my previous pain, my bad habits to the Cross and ask the Holy Spirit to help me grow so that I could be a good parent to my kids – a parent who was there for them, who was aware of their needs and ready to meet them.

**A parent who would say what was important in the moment**

And

**A parent who would follow through when necessary.**

Is this the type of parent you want to be? Let’s continue to ask the Holy Spirit for help.

Your Inconsistency is Hurting your Child

When you are inconsistent – that is say one thing today and another tomorrow, or act one way today and another way tomorrow, or expect one thing today and another tomorrow – then you are really messing with your kids.

Sounds harsh but its true.

They don’t know which way is up, which way is down – and more important they don’t know, they can’t know, which way is right!

As I talk about in the podcast – when you know what you believe and value, and when you are committed to that, that is when you start to find the motivation to be consistent.

We all want what is best for our kids without a doubt. But we have to put in the hard work. That is what being a parent is about.

 

Practical tips to be Consistent

I get it, family life is busy and chaotic at times and it is easy to forget what we’ve said, which means we forget to follow through. Here are some tips to help you.⁠

🕛️Use reminders – on your phone, on your stove, or free standing old fashion timers. ⁠

💪🏼Have routine times in your day, and everyone is doing the same thing (like chores, or eating, or homework/homeschooling) this reduces how many balls you are balancing at the same time.⁠

💐Slow down and prioritise rest for yourself. I know it is hard, but you can’t do a good job when you are exhausted. So find ways to rest. (talk to me if you need some help in processing this)⁠

One other thing you can do is look at this aspect of parenting – that you aren’t consistent with following through – and ask yourself what is the problem?

Take time to reflect on the times that things get out of hand, or that you over-react when you should have been onto-it. ⁠

Pray about it⁠ – Talk about it⁠ – Work on it.⁠

One Issue at at Time Helps with Consistency

When faced with your child making poor choices, ask yourself what is the belief or value that is missing in my child’s behaviour.  This is the first step in understanding what your child’s heart needs to learn.

Remember beliefs and values affect what we think, which affects what we feel (our emotions) which affects our choices.  So if our child is making poor choices, they feel something, or think something or value something or believe something that is out of whack with what is right.

 

Keep on Going

Parenting can be tough, but remember Galatians 6:9: “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” ⁠

This Bible verse comes in a section of Paul’s letter where he is telling believers how to live by the Spirit, how to live with believers. ⁠

V.10 says So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith. ⁠

This is a blueprint for Christian living in hard times.⁠

Restoring those caught in transgressions⁠
Bearing one another’s burdens⁠
Sharing the word⁠

This looks very much like a passage for Christian parents. Let us not grow weary of encouraging our children in their trust and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁠

 

Extra support is available

Whether you desire to change your own habits, your family culture or how your children are behaving, coaching will provide you with ideas, support and accountability. My approach is to focus on your values and to clarify the steps necessary so you can eventually see those values lived out in the life of your family. Working with a coach is an effective way to move forward in your family life.

Keep Learning…

How to Help your Children do the Right ThingDiscover practical strategies for Christian parents to nurture moral development in their children, fostering relationship and strong values.

How to Discipline your Child and Stay Heart-focused: Discover heart-focused discipline strategies that will strengthen your child’s ability to do the right thing and not damage your relationship.  

When you are Parenting more than One Age Group you Need to be Intentional: When we have more than one child in our family and are parenting more than one age group we must parent the younger children as intentionally as we parented the older. 

 

 

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