Interruptions are Frustrating
When our kids interrupt us and what we are doing it is frustrating. Why can’t they just keep playing!!
This is wrong thinking. CS Lewis said that children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.
Ouch!!
Our children’s misbehaviour tells us something – it tells us what they believe, think, value, feel, and choose. And if it doesn’t line up with what is right, then they need our help to grow and change. This is the heart-work of parenting.
When we shift our perspective, we can see these interruptions as opportunities to teach and encourage our child.
Listen in to episode #82 . How To Handle Interruptions As A Parent With Heart-focused Results
Jesus as our Example
When reading this verse, I suddenly saw how Jesus dealt with interruptions. Here is an example that is so closely connected to a mother’s life that we have to pause and take notice.
Jesus was about his business and suddenly children were coming up to him. His disciples tried to shield him by sending the children away.
But Jesus would have none of it. He called the kids to him.
He saw their faith, He saw their hearts.
Does this set an example for you and how to handle your kids coming up to you?
Defining the Heart
When you understand what the ‘heart’ is, it changes everything about your parenting.
The Bible says, The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6:45
So what are the good things in your child’s heart?
You have to teach them, then your child can process them, and let the good things direct their choices.
But if we ignore what your child believes, values, thinks, feels, and just tell them off for their choices then we are not actually teaching them the way they should go – we are just telling them to do what we want them to do. It is a very short term perspective.
Parenting the heart is the long term view of parenting.
Be Intentional to Reduce Interruptions
If things are spiraling out of control because of all the constant interruptions happening then it is time to regroup.
And though it isn’t your fault your kids are doing what your kids are doing (they are making their own choices) you are responsible for helping them grow and mature so they can make wiser and better choices.
So you take a deep breath, remind yourself that your purpose as a parent is to teach your child to think, believe, and value, the things that God says is true and right.
Reflect on these questions and make some changes to how you are dealing with interruptions. It is only when you start taking these daily opportunities to address heart attitudes, that your child will start to change and take ownership of their choices.
Find Better Words
4 reasons why saying, Stop, just stop it, is unhelpful
- It speaks overtop of their needs, it ignores their struggle completely
- It lacks clarity – Stop what? How are they to know what you are talking about?
- It’s not helpful – If they could stop do you think they’d still be doing it? They can’t and they need help.
- It isn’t heart-focused – It doesn’t address anything – it is just words (at least that is all a child will hear.)
Instead say –
When you calm down we’ll talk about it,
Or
You need to stop doing {say whatever it is you want them to stop}
Or
Let’s hug, or breath deep, or count to 10 till you can focus again
Sometimes they just need a long hug to help them calm down, and then, only then can you tell them why what they were doing was wrong, and what they need to do instead.
It takes time – but it is worth it. It is doing the heart-work of parenting.
Don't Get Angry and Sin
Do you get angry easily? To be honest, I used to think I had a good control on not getting angry. Then I read “Good and Angry” by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.
When reading this the first time I did a synonym search on Anger and found all sorts of other emotions (which I frequently express)
annoyed
exasperated
irritated
cross
miffed
cranky
peeved
My goodness. I suddenly realised that I did get angry – I didn’t put my fist through a wall, I didn’t yell and scream and lose control, but being annoyed and exasperated are expressions of anger.
So in this book I learnt how to see the triggers, and to see my anger as an indicator that something is amiss. Yes, I need to learn to curtail the outburst or expression of annoyance as it will likely damage my relationship to some degree but to then get into action to see why I’m having that reaction and do something about it.
I highly recommend this book (an no, I get nothing from this recommendation). Just think it is one of the best books out there when dealing with anger.
Further Reading
Intentional Heart Conversations Touches what your Child Believes and Values: When we are intentional about creating heart conversations parents have the opportunity to shape their children’s beliefs and values.
How to Help Your Children do the Right Thing: Discover practical strategies for Christian parents to nurture moral development in their children, fostering relationship and strong values.
Being a Christian Parent and Addressing your Children’s Bad Attitudes: As parents we often overlook attitudes and instead focus on external behaviour but bad attitudes are a reflection of what is in the heart.
Parents, Step up and Establish Safe Boundaries for your Kids: Parents need to set boundaries to keep their children safe and to help them grow up.
Extra support is available
Whether you desire to change your own habits, your family culture or how your children are behaving, coaching will provide you with ideas, support and accountability. My approach is to focus on your values and to clarify the steps necessary so you can eventually see those values lived out in the life of your family. Working with a coach is an effective way to move forward in your family life.