When we parent without forgiveness towards our child we stop seeing the real issues (the heart issues).

How do you know you are parenting out of bitterness? Here are a few ways that we respond to our child…

–Frequently irritated at their immaturity

–Resentful of their needs

–Struggle to show affection

–use critical words

–see mistakes everywhere

If this is you – then listen to the podcast, or read the blog (episode #83) for more thoughts on forgiving our children, even when they are young.

Have you ever thought to apply this verse to your parent-child relationship? We are to forgive like Jesus forgave us…

💗While we still rejected him,

💗While we still make mistakes, and

💗He forgives many times over!

Something to think about today.

Integrity is about being consistent; it’s about holding the same values regardless of the situation.

I’ve never used the words, “be a parent of integrity” before – but as I was thinking about how important it is for us to deal with our own heart, before we step up and help our kids deal with whatever is going on inside their heart – it struck me – that if we react out of anger, frustration or embarrassment (or any other such emotion) we are not walking in integrity.

While we hold those emotions in our heart (and the outflow reactions) we are in effect telling our kids that they must do the right thing but their behaviour justifies us doing the wrong thing.

We are responsible for ourselves. We say that to our kids, but we need to be reminded of it as well. **I am responsible for what sits in my heart and I am responsible for my actions.**

A parent of integrity has the same expectations for themselves as they do of their children when it comes to obeying God, and living consistent with our values. This is because our values don’t come from our imagination or from society – they come from the Word of God, they reflect God’s wisdom.

So yes, we will make mistakes, just like our kids make mistakes. But a parent of integrity will acknowledge their mistakes, the hurt they’ve caused, they will put things to right, and they will learn how to do different next time.

One of our family sayings – coming from Peter’s father is – A man without integrity isn’t worth a cracker!

Let us make sure that our integrity touches our parenting as much as any other area of our life.

Harsh but true – Your child’s behaviour is not about you.

It is about their heart. Stop making it about you.

Ways we make it about us?

.. Offense – taking it personally

.. Anger – shows a lack of self control

.. Embarrassment – this is about your pride and ego

..Hurt – unresolved hurt or trauma

Instead we need to understand our child, that is know their struggles and strengths, we need to believe in them (know that they can learn and do right), be committed to the journey instead of demanding that they get it right – right now.

Getting to a place where we don’t get offended, or react out of unhealthy means we need to take our heart to God, and ask Him to heal and restore so that you can be a healthy parent.

Forgiving a person does not remove the need for them to change – so as we talk about this with the parent/child relationship in mind – I am not saying that you need to forgive and move on and not deal with their inappropriate choices.

That is abdicating your responsibility to help your child grow and mature in knowledge, character and lifeskills.

The issue of forgiveness is so you can be in a right place so you can parent with integrity instead of anger and annoyance.

Your child still needs to process:
What they did wrong,
Why it was wrong,
Who they hurt, and
How they are going to put it right
and be ready to do so.

But if you still have anger, bitterness and annoyance in your heart you will just think about punishment and consequences – and this only addresses behaviour – not their heart.

If you need help with applying this process then book a private coaching call and we can talk more about it. Message me COACHING and I’ll get the links to you.

Jesus forgave you.

Before you asked for it, He died for you.

While you were pushing Him away, he loved you.

He commands us to forgive.

He offers to help us do that.

We don’t often talk about forgiving our children but if we are to be a heart-focused parent, we need to deal with our own heart first, and that means forgiving our child so that we can walk in love, mercy and grace.