How to not Provoke your Child’s Heart – Part 2

Instead of dismissing your child’s throw away comment – listen. (and to be honest, be sad because it is sad).

Give them a hug, or rub their back, hold their hand. Loving physical touch tells them you are present, in the moment, there with them.

Tell them you hear them, give them space to talk more – It sounds to me that you are feeling discouraged. Wanna talk about it?

Don’t be defensive. If they have been discouraged or hurt – apologise. If they have misunderstood show empathy and understanding before you clarify because they have been discouraged or hurt.

Give them Hope. Tell them truths. Give them a reason to believe differently.

Our words matter. And when we see our children being so discouraged we have an opportunity to help them feel empowered, valued and secure.

Help us spread the word! Share this with your friends who would appreciate it. 💬❤️

I know this is just one post of many on social media this morning – but I hope you pause and reflect. Are your discipline tactics building up or tearing down your child’s heart?

I’ve always considered that if God doesn’t want fathers to provoke their child then He doesn’t want mothers to either.

This verse really makes us pause and consider our parenting actions? The words we say, the expectations we have, the correction methods we may use – what is the fruit?

Are we being harsh?

Are we being punitive?

Are we being angry ourselves?

We need to remember that the goal of parenting is to guide our children, helping them grow up to know and love God (and all that involves), and to love other people and we won’t do that if we crush their spirit.

What is God saying to you this morning about how you parent your children?

Harshness in our expectations and how we talk to our kids hurts their heart – and our relationship with them. So when we realise we’ve been too harsh it is up to us to put it right.

We need to admit our mistakes and sincerely apologise.

We need to listen before we speak, so that our children learn we are a safe place for them to share what’s on their heart.

We can still have rules and expectations but we should be able to explain why they are important and not just demand that they do it – communicate for understanding not first time obedience.

Loving our children is being able to respond to their struggles with empathy and patience. Treat them like a person!

Be available to spend time together – having fun together. Shared memories is a solid foundation for an ongoing relationship.

If this is a message you need tune in to this week’s podcast: How to not Provoke your Child’s Heart

#HeartFocusedParenting #ChristianParentingTips #BiblicalParenting #ParentingPodcast

 love this reminder about what to Encourage someone really means. It means to put in courage. To give them courage.

Courage to keep on going.

Courage to do the hard thing.

Courage to do the right thing.

Our kids need encouragement – they need courage.

Please share this definition with all your mum friends because this changes how we speak to our kids!

We might think we are kind – but does that translate to ways that our kids understand? Do they think we are kind.

Of course their immediate response would be that being kind means letting them have their own way – but sometimes having their own way will lead to unwise or unhealthy or unsafe things happening to them – and we love them too much for that. So that isn’t being kind.

Being kind – means gentle voice, listening ear, helping hand, patient tone.

Do our kids feel us doing those things towards them. I wonder how they would rate you? Are you prepared to ask them?

Every word we speak we need to be aware of the impact of our words. Are they lifting up or weighing down?

We may think that words just come out and things are said, using a certain tone, before we can think about it. But we must think about it.

We want our kids to use the right words and the right tone – surely we can do the same!

I know it is hard, and we are juggling lots of t things but what is the most important – the tasks you are busy with or your child’s heart?

How will you choose to speak into your child’s life today?

We can be sad that we’ve hurt someone and we can say sorry – and yet it doesn’t always restore the relationship.

We taught our kids 4 steps when they did something that was either wrong, or hurtful. Repentance, Restitution, Forgiveness, and Restoration.

Over the years we taught what each step meant but we also simplified it for them.

Repentance: I’m sorry – I did this, I was wrong, and it hurt you.

Restitution: I want to (and I will) fix what I hurt or broke.

Forgiveness: Will you please forgive me?

Restoration: Thank you – I love you

It started as a rote exercise till they understood the process and why it was important. And then the script so to speak wasn’t so important. These relational skills start in the head – it may look formulaic – but when it gets to the heart – they own it and it can come out in their own words.

Remember – the purpose isn’t to say sorry – the purpose is to restore the relationship.

Repentance – Restitution – Forgiveness – Restoration.