It doesn’t matter how intentional we intend to be – or think we are – there comes a moment when we suddenly realise things aren’t how we want them to be.  This can happen in any area of parenting. One such situation is you suddenly realise your child spends too much time watching a screen.  

I know that a big issue is teens on social media but that’s not what I’m specifically talking about today.  Today I want to talk more about younger kids and TV, streaming shows, youtube, movies and maybe even gaming – that kind of entertainment.  Let’s just call it screen time.  You might find some helpful ideas here to help with your teen managing their phones and social media – but that’s not the problem I’m specifically thinking about today.

How To Reset Your Child’s Screen Time

Removing Technology is Half the Solution

When we suddenly realise our kids are spending too much time in front of a screen, or with technology, we tend to make a rash decision to put a stop to it – so we pull in the rules really tight.  Or if there hasn’t been any rules we set them up.  Only x number of minutes, per day, or maybe only on weekends. 

Rules are so often the first thing we reach for when we want to correct something going on with our child.  But rules only go so far.  

Rules won’t help your child learn anything.

Rules won’t help your child want to do the right or wise thing.

I’m not saying rules don’t have their place – they help define a boundary and boundaries help keep our children in safe places.  But our job as a parent is not only to keep our children safe, but to help them grow up so they can be safe and responsible adults.

So removing technology, or limiting screen is only half the job.What are they going to do now?

Why kids Rely on Technology for Entertainment

There are two reasons why kids get hooked on screen time:

1. It is an easy activity, it is entertaining or fun, and it is addictive – so they get caught up in this pull of always doing what is easy and fun.
2. They aren’t used to making other choices, or they can’t make other choices, or they don’t know what the other choices are.  In other words they get bored, or feel bored, and lean back into what is easy – and around we go again back to the first reason why kids choose entertainment on a screen over any other activity.

Our job as parents is to give our children the skills and desire to do life well.  Spending hours on a screen is easy and fun but it isn’t doing life well.  It isn’t using the abilities, and opportunities that God has given them to the full. 

Teaching our Children to use their Time Wisely

So if you find yourself in the situation where your kids are always wanting more screen time, or you suddenly realise they have more screen time than you really want them to – then you need to teach them to use their time wisely.  

I know the common thought is that if your child is bored give them a chore and they’ll stop being bored.  I never went down this path.  I figured that the reason the kids were bored is that they didn’t have the ability to make a choice on how to spend their time.  I could punish them with a chore – and they would just hide their boredom from me – they wouldn’t learn to use their time wisely.

So if my kids said they were bored – I said, It looks like you can’t decide how to use your time wisely.  Do you need help?

Usually, they nodded their head and I would remind them of their list of projects they had on the go, or books they were reading, or things they were interested in.  I’d give them a few minutes to make a decision.  If they still couldn’t make a decision I would come back and say to them – I can see you are still struggling to make a decision – I’m going to narrow it down to 3 things and give you 5 minutes to decide. And to be honest, the times they couldn’t decide to do one of those 3 things was because they had an attitude problem, they were grumpy at something I would usually send them to Heart-thinking time to deal with it.  

Sometimes I was okay with them being bored – as long as they didn’t get silly with it.  Sitting still, or pacing in the yard – is the kind of boredom that doesn’t get anyone into trouble, and that kind of boredom is where the imagination sparks and that is good.  It is the bordeom of idle hands that I wanted to address and give them the tools to overcome.

Going through this process is really important, especially if they have become dependent on technology and digital entertainment.  They simply forget how to do anything else.

Help your kids not be Bored

Many years ago I saw on Pinterest a sign that gave kids options for when they were bored.  It is an acronym for Bored. B.O.R.E.D and it is a good tool for parents to use as a quick list to either overcome boredom in general or maybe as a list of activities a child has to complete before they can have their daily screen time allotment (which is how we used it)

1. been creative?
2. outside to play?
3. read a book?
4. exercised for 20 minutes?
5. done your responsibilities?

So bit of a stretch for a good acronym but it  is a helpful list.

Another thing I did for my kids – especially for the stage when gaming was such a pull – was I got them to write down a list of projects on the go and projects they’d like to get started. Some of my kids were great starters and not so good at pushing through to the end, so they end up with a box full of half done projects and great ideas. Having a list that they could refer to when they were overwhelmed with either inability or indecision helped redirect their focus.

Teach your Child to Play with their Imagination

Another thing that I experienced was that when Daniel was a toddler, he didn’t know how to play. He would just sit there, then he’d want my attention because he wasn’t doing anything. For the first time I had to teach my child how to play. I soon found though that by me spending 5 minutes showing him how to play with a car, or plastic animals, he’d be able to do it on his own for a while. If our kids get so used to technology, we may find ourselves in this situation as well. We may have to spend 5-10 minutes getting them kick started on an activity, then leaving them for 10-20 minutes before they need to touch base with us again.

Routine and Directed Play helps Limited Screen Time

The last tip I want to share today is for you to structure your child’s day so they aren’t making all the choices in how to spend their time.  This isn’t a control thing, this isn’t about micromanaging them, but rather the day is too long for them to make wise choices for the whole time, so you need to make some choices for them.  

Directive Play is where you choose the time, the space they play in and the activity they do.  Our daily routine made time for directive play where I made most of the choices, and free play where they made choices (within safe limits of course).  I would often say to the kids – go and get one box of toys (so they did have a small choice) and you play here, and you play there and no talkign with each other, no talking to me – and I’m setting the timer for 30 minutes.  Of course we had learnt to play for 30 minutes so that was a realistic expectation.  The kids could go from being silly and chaotic to playing not just for 30 minutes but happily let me set the timer for another 30 minutes.  

Be Proactive when your Child has too Much Screen Time

So I’ve shared 3 strategies to help reset your kids to activities other than screen time.

• Help them make wise choices
• Get them started with play or projects and then let them do it on their own
• Direct them where to play, what to play and how long to play in a space where you can supervise but not be involved.

Re-igniting interests, outside of screen time, takes time and effort. It is easy to threaten a chore but it is more helpful to help them find real and interesting things to do. So if you need to reign-in how much time your kids are spending in front of a screen, don’t just rely on rules and limitations.  Consider how you are going to teach them to do better. 

Reducing screen time is only half the solution; the other half is knowing what to do instead. We need to be available to our kids to help them see the all the opportunities around them, and to help them have the skills necessary to engage with more than technology.

Heart-focused Parenting Action Step

I just want to caution you about being frustrated with your child because of their dependency on screens – or the pull they feel to just watch screens.

Because the hard truth is – even though we don’t like what we suddenly see happening we have allowed it to happen. We need to take personal responsibility for our kids spending too much time in front of a screen!   Ouch I know!  But reality is – we have allowed this to happen.  We’ve either been lackadaisical with the rules or have assumed our kids will self-monitor.  I know in our house we had a 30 minutes a day, or 1 hour on weekends, for recreational screen time. If they wanted more they needed to ask. And they did ask, and I more often than not said yes.  It was easier to say yes, and let rules slide than dealing with their frustration and boredom.  And then sometime later in the week I would come to my senses and be frustrated at how much screen time they were expecting or have had in the week.

So first up, our children are not going to self-monitor their screen time.  It is addictive and stacked against them!  We need to step up and make wise choices for our kids, have wise boundaries, and keep to them.  But don’t just leave your kids hanging with nothing else to do – help them use their time for recreation wisely.

Hi there! I'm Belinda and I'm glad you are here!

I am a family life coach and help parents to raise their kids with faith, values and life skills in a way that is intentional, relational and heart-focused. Read more in my Introduction page

You can learn about heart-focused parenting through my podcast, blog and weekly email (Heart Boosters).

If you need help you can book a coach call or email me here.

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