Relationship First is a Homeschool Principle

There are so many different things that pull for our attention but the one thing that has shaped our family has been the commitment to relationships first.   

The family is our first relational sphere as a child – it is the practice ground for all of our relationships. There is the vertical relationship between the individual and God, and there is the horizontal relationships between each other. 

Relationships first is a mindset that pushes back against the task-driven environment that we all live in. The desire to complete our to-do lists — and as a homeschooler, to finish our lessons — is always at the back of our mind. And while those things do need to be completed, they should never be completed at the expense of relationships or at the expense of the heart issues going on in a child’s life.

What does Relationships First look like in a homeschool?

Any primary focus has to affect the day-to-day, real life of a family; otherwise, it’s just a good theory. When we say “Relationships First,” we mean that we make relational issues a priority over any of our activities — whether it’s lessons, chores, or personal projects.

This means:

• We give relationship issues our prime time and best energy in the day, not the leftovers.
• We stop any other activity if there is a relational area out of whack in anyone’s life.
• We know we are achieving our homeschool goals when we spend a day working through relational issues—even if the academics are put aside.

Practical Ways We Built Relationship Skills:

Having good relationships — whether with God or with each other — doesn’t just happen. It takes intentional effort, practice, and a willingness to prioritize the heart work. Here are some practical ways we made space for building strong relationships in our homeschool:

• Scheduling regular time for God, family, and others — and protecting that time.

• Intentionally working on character-based responses to people (choosing kindness, patience, respect, forgiveness).

• Serving others — using the life skills we have to meet real needs in our family, community, and beyond.

• Appreciating the opportunity to give gifts (showing love) to one another

• Learning to communicate well — speaking kindly, listening attentively, and understanding each other through words and writing.

• Growing in conflict resolution skills — learning to say sorry, forgive, and seek reconciliation quickly.

• Creating family habits that encouraged open conversations, emotional safety, and shared experiences.

Of course, there are always more ways to practice relationships, but these simple, everyday actions became the building blocks of a strong family culture.

WhyThis Matters

Seeing relational issues as the prime focus of our days caused a major reshuffling of our preconceived ideas about what education is really all about. It cuts across the idea that we are simply training the brain with academics, and it reminds us: we are shaping hearts — the very core of who our children are.

When we prioritize relationships first, we are teaching our children how to love God, love others, and live with wisdom and grace — and that, more than any curriculum or achievement, is the foundation for a thriving life.

“A family is a place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living.” – Charles Swindoll

Hi there! I'm Belinda and I'm glad you are here!

I am a family life coach and help parents to raise their kids with faith, values and life skills in a way that is intentional, relational and heart-focused. Read more in my Introduction page

You can learn about heart-focused parenting through my podcast, blog and weekly email (Heart Boosters).

If you need help you can book a coach call or email me here.

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