If our kids grow up and remember us only for being a good cook and having a clean house … well, I think we have missed something pretty important!  And yet, if that is what we harp on about then maybe that is what our kids will remember.

Today on the podcast, I’m talking about five priorities that mattered for me, far more than a tidy house or having and doing all the things. You may want your kids to remember something different – and that’s okay but have a listen to my 5 as a starting place for you.

What type of Mum do you want to be?

What type of mum are you?
What type of mum do you want to be remembered as?

When you first become a mum, it’s easy to have airy-fairy ideas of what the “ideal mum” looks like. (I say airy-fairy because at that point we really don’t have a clue!!)  But we have this image, and we strive and struggle to be her — but while we have our focus on those things, we miss the precious moments with the very people who make us mums in the first place.

Keeping our eyes on our priorities is a challenge for every season of life.  But I know that when I was in the thick of it, in those directive parenting years – it was so important to have a realistic idea of what it meant to be a mum – and to keep that vision front and centre.

As mums, we often carry a fairly big load: keeping a clean house, cooking nutritious meals, keeping up with the laundry, driving our kids to and fro, managing their friendship circles, their sporting commitments and so forth. And these are important things.

But if my kids are to grow up and call me blessed (referencing Proverbs 31:28) I don’t want them to talk about my housekeeping skills – I didn’t want my motherhood legacy to be about a tidy home, fancy meals or my ability to sew and make stuff!

I remember asking myself:
What do I want my kids to say about me?
What do I want them to truly know about me?

(My answers were…)

I would rather they say I was hospitable than I kept an immaculate house.
I would rather they say I enjoyed a good laugh than I was an excellent cook.
I would rather they say I made them think deeply and talk openly than I spent my time blogging and podcasting etc.

In asking these questions – what type of mum do I want to be – I had to come up with some answers, and then check my behaviour, my choices, to see how I was tracking.

Five Things I Hoped My Kids Would Remember About Me

Here are 5 things that I wanted to be characterised by as a mum

1. Loving Jesus

More than anything else, I wanted my children to know that I loved Jesus — and that this love shaped everything I did. I hoped they would see it in:

• How I spent my time
• How I showed love to them and to others
• How I thought about the world around me

I didn’t want faith to be just a Sunday thing. I wanted a biblical view of living that made faith part of everyday life.

2. Being Content

How I handled hard situations would impact how my kids faced life.  I was the example set before them. 

Contentment is such a big issue.  It is a core heart attitude that affects all of our life, contentment leads to thankfulness, (or maybe gratitude leads to contentment I don’t know).  But when we have contentment we are able to focus on what is important.  Our heart isn’t bunched up with wishfulness, or hankering after other things, our heart isn’t distracted chasing other things, or striving to be more or have more.  

But I wanted my kids to know that our contentment doesn’t come from a wonderful, perfect life (imagined and preconceived), but rather comes from knowing a wonderful God, knowing who they are as God made them, with the gifts and abilities He created in them.

Whenever we talk about contentment it doesn’t mean that we can’t work hard, be responsible, and be good stewards and change our situation – but without a heart of contentment our striving will disconnect us from our kids; and we all want connection.

3. Being Available

One of the biggest dangers to being available to our kids is our busyness. Housework, hospitality, helping others, working our business, sports or time at the gym, and friends can quickly take up our time, and we give our kids the little bits that are left over.  We have time to get them to their commitments, we turn up at their grand finals and award ceremonies.  

But I learned that sometimes a window into a child’s heart opens for just a short moment, You never know what it is going to happen — and I didn’t want to miss it.

So before I signed up for another commitment (even if it was something I really wanted to do), or before I took on another responsibilitiy I had to ask myself – at what cost?  To be honest, my life was already full – I had 4 kids, homeschooling, husband working away from home.  What would be impacted by me taking on more?  If it meant short changing my kids from my availability – both physical and emotional – then I had to seriously consider saying no.  Of course I didn’t always get it right – but that was my base line that I knew was true.  

I wanted to be available to my kids – other things had to fit around that.

4. Being Wise

It sounds odd to my ears to hear myself saying “I want to be wise” but I do. 

I wanted to be available to my kids, to listen to them, But I also wanted to be able to discern wisdom to share. I wanted to know God’s word, and to be able to apply it to life. I wanted to speak God’s word to teach, correct, train my kids (referencing 2 Tim 3:16)

“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.” (2 Timothy 3:16)

And we all know that wisdom comes from knowing God’s word – so prioritising time in the word was important to me – and I wanted my kids to see that too!  I wanted them to know that wisdom comes from walking with Jesus.

5. Being Gracious

I wanted my kids to know truth, and understand and live with grace (that is a little quote of Peter’s – probably his life quote – to live by grace and die for truth). 

I wanted our kids to see that in me – to see it in our daily interactions. I wanted my kids to see grace in action when they reflected on who I am and how I was their mother. 

I didn’t want to be demanding, harsh, angry mum – I wanted to be a mum (and I still want to be this mum) that breathes life into our every day: breathes life with the words I say and the things I do. That breathes love and confidence and hope.  I wanted to be heart-focused instead of rules-focused, I wanted to be relational rather than task-oriented. I wanted to be forgiving and kind towards my kids (sometimes we are more forgiving and kind towards our neighbour than our kids!) I wanted them to know that I love them dearly and I was there to help them do life well.

Keeping the Right Priorities in Christian Motherhood

These are the things I wanted my life to be characterised by. Sure, I needed to keep the house clean and healthy food on the table, but those things serve the important things in my life – my responsibility to care and protect my children, my responsibility to train them in righteousness. My house – that is only a tool, a place where the important things of parenting happen.

I was very aware of how easy it is to get our priorities wrong, and how we envisage ourselves, or how we envisage how we should be as mums, will affect how comfortable we are with being a mum, how okay we are with our foibles and struggles as well as the successes and joys of motherhood.

When I read prov 31:28 – yeah I want my kids to rise up and call me blessed.  Who doesn’t right!  But the question I asked myself back then – and even today – am I the type of mum that is a blessing to my kids.

Heart-focused Parenting Action Step

Once again, I want to put a little caveat on that because we are a culture that condemns ourselves regardless of reality.  It is our default setting.  I mess up, I’m not good enough, I am not the type of mum I want to be.  But when those thoughts come in, I want you to do some self-talk.

1. Remind yourself that in Jesus there is no condemnation.  Jesus doesn’t condemn you – He sent the Holy Spirit to help you walk in His ways.  So accept his forgiveness, and also accept His wisdom, strength, grace and peace. Accept his new beginnings – every morning is a new beginning, and keep walking with Him as you raise your kids.
2. Remind yourself that your goal isn’t that you want your kids to remember that you were a perfect amazing mother, that you did all the things wonderfully.  But your goal is for them to remember that you loved Jesus, were content, available, wise and gracious.  And those are things we grow in as we walk with Jesus.  

I Still Love Being a Mum

Even as my children have grown into adulthood, these desires still shape my heart.  I still want reflect Jesus in all my interactions, I still want to be content, available, wise and gracious.

I love being a mum.
I love my children.
And I still want to be remembered as a mum who loved Jesus and walked with Him – more than anything.

What do you want your kids to remember about you?  

And you are growing to be that kind of mum?

Hi there! I'm Belinda and I'm glad you are here!

I am a family life coach and help parents to raise their kids with faith, values and life skills in a way that is intentional, relational and heart-focused. Read more in my Introduction page

You can learn about heart-focused parenting through my podcast, blog and weekly email (Heart Boosters).

If you need help you can book a coach call or email me here.

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