As you know I talk about being a heart-focused parent – it is my approach to parenting.  But it was also my approach to homeschooling.  In today’s episode, I want to unpack what it really means to be a heart-focused homeschooler.  This idea really freed me from expectations to be like a school – and yet gave me vision and purpose for the things we did do as a homeschooler – I hope the idea will help you too.

Homeschooling and Parenting

My mum always said something that stayed with me and really shaped the way I saw homeschooling: “Homeschooling is only as strong as the parenting is.” In other words, the success of our homeschooling rides on the strength of our parenting.

Another phrase I leaned into often was: Homeschooling at its best is an extension of parenting and our family lifestyle. At the centre of both is the heart. We need to be heart-focused homeschoolers.

I never put on a teacher’s hat, and Peter didn’t put on a Principal’s hat. We always saw ourselves as parents, shaping not just what our children know, but who they are becoming. We were teaching them to love God, to make wise choices, to process and use their emotions, to build relationships, to care for their body and learn what their bodies were able to do, and to love learning knowledge and skills. All the things!  

Parenting is shaping the whole child—and homeschooling gave us a lifestyle where we could do that every day.

A Bible verse that I often reflected on was Luke 2:52: “And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favour with God and man.” I would probably have written that verse in a different order than Luke, just because of the way our brains think in the 21st century – I probably would have said: as Jesus grew older he grew in his obedience to his heavenly Father, he grew in wisdom, and in how he related to people. (bit of a paraphrase there) These are heart things and these are the goals I had for my kids. I wanted them to grow in those areas too.

What is the Heart? Biblical Definition

Typically when we take on homeschooling we think that we are taking on educating, or teaching the mind, teaching knowledge and skills to prepare our kids for a career. As a homeschooling family, I had the opportunity (and you do too) to look broader than that to find my purpose – or to find my goals for homeschooling, or how I was going to homeschool.

So if I’m going to be a heart-focused homeschooler, I first need to know what is the heart. And I keep repeating this in (I don’t know) maybe every second podcast because in this day and age we are told to equate our heart with our emotions. I am not talking about teaching our kids that emotions are the most important thing. That is not how the Bible talks about emotions. Emotions are important, they are an aspect of ‘the heart’ – they aren’t the sum total of what I mean.

I keep repeating the definition so that when you hear me talking about ‘the heart’ this is the definition that comes to mind:  The heart is: 

• The place where we process moral truth – the conscience
• The place where we understand, think, process, and know – the mind
• The place where we determine what we will do – the will
• The place where we feel – the emotions and passions

The heart is what makes us tick; it makes up the deepest part of who we are. It holds our beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and choices. And as parents, we are teaching each of those aspects in our child’s life. And as homeschoolers, we have the opportunity to teach those things daily. Even as I say that, it makes me excited for homeschoolers.

Be a Heart-Focused Homeschool

It is our responsibility (and privilege) as parents to guide and teach our children’s hearts so that they are aware of God and His word.

“These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” – Deuteronomy 6:6–7

To me, that verse describes discipleship.  It is how Jesus taught his disciples.  Homeschooling gives us an opportunity for discipleship – not so that they follow us, but so that they follow Jesus.

As we shape our homeschool day, as we set our goals, we choose the curriculum and plan our daily activities, we must ask ourselves: Do we make room for the heart?  Do we make room for the whole child aspect of growing up a child?

Are there things in your day that makes it hard to find time to focus on the things of the heart? When you put your daily routine together, what were you aiming for? To complete a curriculum? For your kids to get into the top University?  To be top of their class? Or is there time to train your children’s hearts? When you choose your homeschool curriculum and resources, what is your main concern? Academic success or a mature heart? When you let your child take part in a particular activity, do you ask yourself, “How will this affect their heart?”

These are hard questions. But they are questions we need to ask if we are to be heart-focused homeschoolers. We can only fit in so much into our day so we have to prioritise what is important.

Let me just say – I’m not saying don’t study math, writing, history, science etc.  Our children need knowledge and skills for thinking and engaging in our world.  But, as my mentor Joan, used to always say – we don’t want clever people who have no character.

It takes time to teach and train the heart so we have to find that time (make that time) in our day.  Jesus had three years to mould his disciples and then they had to be ready to take His message to the world. We are likely to have more than three years with our children, and yet are we as intentional and focused as Jesus was?

Key ideas that helped us be heart-focused in our homeschooling

• Prioritised relationships over completing the days academic plans
• Dealt with bad attitudes about learning the same way we dealt with bad attitudes about anything
• Created a routine (daily habits) that made time for life skills and relationships and didn’t fill our day with book-learning
• Saw learning experiences in our everyday life – from shopping to going to church to playing with friends.
• Saw learning experiences in interruptions to our plans
• Chose curriculum and learning resources and methods that gave us time in our day to do other things.

God will Answer your Prayers and Give you Wisdom

Unlike Jesus, who came to earth with a purpose, we don’t know exactly what is ahead for our children—and yet God can direct us and guide us in the specific things that our children need now to be prepared for God’s purposes in times to come.

Have you ever thought to ask God what he wants your child to know? He can show you—and will show you:

• A character weakness that needs to be addressed
• What social skills need to be developed
• What practical skills need to be mastered
• What subjects need to be learnt

As a parent I would often take pause and consider what we were doing in our days, what choices I had made, and what was filling our days – and ask myself were we doing what was important, were we doing the things that my child needed at this point in time. Sometimes we were and we kept on going, other times we weren’t – we’d become distracted and I needed to change things to get back on track.

Your Heart Shapes your Homeschool

We often talk about what goes on in our kid’s heart but the thing is – we have the same heart processes going on inside of us. When we make homeschooling choices, it is because of something we know, think, or feel. Something in our heart shapes all our homeschool choices.

Unfortunately, if or when we make choices without thinking through what we believe and think about homeschooling or our family or our child’s inner life – we let other people’s beliefs and values determine the training of our children, we let other peoples expectations and traditions shape our homeschooling.

Sometimes we don’t even know that we’ve let outside influences start shaping how we homeschool. Things like:

• Popular curriculum or homeschooling methods
• Comparisons with the school system
• Predetermined ideas and/or plans
• Comparisons with other homeschool families
• Demands of our daily routine

We need to sort these things out in our own heart.  What do we believe, think, value; what are our feelings, our passions?  Our choices about our homeschooling will come from these things (our heart).  If we believe that homeschooling is an opporutnity to teach our children how to think, process emotions, make wise choices, and live according to God’s word, then we will make decisions about the curriculum, and activities, and expectations, and daily routines that are consistent with working towards that and help us get to that goal.

It is always tempting to copy what everyone else is doing. It is tempting to do what we know or are most comfortable with which is often a traditional model of schooling. But if we are to be heart-focused, we may have to lay some of those things aside and do it in a different way.

Heart-focused Homeschool Action Step

If today’s episode stirred something in you – if you feel this tension between academic expectations and your desire to be holistic, and especially to focus on your child’s heart – then let me invite you to dig a little deeper.

My Deschooling for a Strong Homeschool Workshop is a self-paced, two-part workshop that helps you step away from the school-based mindset and embrace a heart-focused approach to homeschooling.  It not only helps you find clarity but also gives you ideas of what you can do with the kids while you do some heart-searching and learning.  It is a really good way to either start your homeschool journey or for those times you need to regroup and get back on track.  The link is in the show notes.

As you go through your homeschooling days over the next week, be aware of the times you might be rushing or pushing aside things of the heart because of your plans. The first step towards making change is to be aware of what’s going on and if it is actually helping you achieve the goals that you have for your family. Once you’ve identified that you are doing things that make it hard to address heart things, then you can start making changes.

Hi there! I'm Belinda and I'm glad you are here!

I am a family life coach and help parents to raise their kids with faith, values and life skills in a way that is intentional, relational and heart-focused. Read more in my Introduction page

You can learn about heart-focused parenting through my podcast, blog and weekly email (Heart Boosters).

If you need help you can book a coach call or email me here.

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