This is a key quote that I constantly reminded myself of:  The destination is the same, the journey is different.

Because one size does not fit all. When parenting our children we need to remember the destination is the same (moral maturity) the journey is different.

This helps us to be consistent with training our children regardless if they have a learning difficulty, or a special needs, or if they broke their arm, or if they are strong willed, or ADHD.  The destination is the same – moral maturity – but how we get there and how long it takes will vary from child to child.

Which is why we need to be thinking parents.

We need to know our child.

We need to know God’s word.

We need to have knowledge and understanding in how to be a good parent.

We need to think about what we follow, and what we believe.

I know we all think obedience is the goal but it’s not. Stay with me…

The Bible says we are to honour our parents – you and me, we don’t obey, we are to honour our parents now that we are adults. So obedience is the goal for you and me – honour is.

Once our parents are no longer telling us what to do – we can’t be obedient, which makes me think – what’s next?

I see two heart-based, or virtue-based responses that our children need to learn

Obedience – doing what an authority says

Initiative – knowing what is right and doing it

Both of these responses lead to responsibility with our tasks and honour towards those in authority or who are older, wiser.

And looking at it from another angle, we don’t want our kids to be obedient to us, we want them to be obedient towards God.

So either way you look at it – children obeying our instruction is not the end goal for Christian parents.

If your child can’t do the right thing yet, they don’t need punishment—they need support. They need instruction. And they need practice. So often, parents look for the consequence, but what they really need to give their child is encouragement and practice.

It is so important to keep your own heart in check. Your tone, your facial expression, your posture—all of it teaches, even more than your words. So make sure you’re in a good place emotionally and relationally before giving instructions.  Don’t take resistance personally. You are teaching a God-honouring truth—but you must do it with a God-honouring attitude.

You can’t demand submission or readiness, but you can teach it. You can practice it. You can model it.

Parenting is a journey. Growing up is a journey. And by God’s grace, we don’t walk it alone.

The Holy Spirit is with you as you teach, train, and model Jesus to your children—even in something as small as learning to say, “Yes Mum.”

As always – shoot me an email if you have any questions.