As a mum of four (now grown), I’ve had plenty of moments where I felt like my kids just weren’t listening. I’d give a clear instruction, and it would feel like it disappeared into thin air. Sound familiar?

What I learned back in the day was that obedience doesn’t begin when a child does the task. It begins when they stop, turn, and receive the instruction. That little moment of readiness is the foundation for everything that follows.

In our home, we used a simple habit to train this early step:
➡️ When I called their name, they would stop, look at me, and say “Yes Mum.”

This wasn’t obedience itself – but it was a heart posture. It was training their hearts to be willing, available, and ready to follow through. When they have this heart posture more than ½ the battles of getting your child to follow instructions is already won!

The Attitude of Readiness is more Important than Obedience

As parents, we tend to focus a lot on obedience. In fact, I think sometimes we focus too much (but that might be a story for another day!) Focusing intently on obedience can make us bossy and cause us to lose the kind of attitude that God would want us to have toward our children.

But today, I want to talk about something that comes before obedience—readiness. It’s a necessary step if we’re going to see true obedience in our children.

Readiness is a heart attitude—a posture of being teachable, available, and willing to obey. It’s also a recognition of the parent’s authority as God-given – so in a sense it is about submission though we often have negative connotations with that word. 

So here’s a strong caution: we abuse our position when we overstep our role without holding that authority with respect for our child’s humanity. We do carry authority. But we are called to carry it with love, gentleness, kindness, and respect.

What Does “Readiness” Look Like in Heart-Focused Parenting?

In heart-focused parenting, readiness matters because if our children aren’t ready to listen, then our instruction goes over their head, in one ear, out the other, or bounces off their heart as if we never said anything. 

I’m sure you’ve heard me say before – what is in our heart (our beliefs and values) comes out in our actions.  So being ready is a heart thing, a heart attitude – but it has tangible actions.  It might look like:

• Stopping what you are doing
• Looking at the person speaking, making eye contact
• Responding with a “yes, mum”

But of course, we need to actively teach it – as with all things – our kids don’t just know how to respond in life, we need to teach them lovingly, graciously and patiently.  

When my kids were little – and we started this fairly young – I taught them that when I called their name, they needed to stop, look, and say, ‘Yes Mum.’ 

How to Teach the Habit of Readiness in Your Home

Let’s talk about how we teach this without it turning into a power struggle.

1- Teach it before you expect it.

Start teaching at a time when everyone is calm—not in the heat of the moment not when they haven’t listened or are having a big feelings moment.  So when everything is calm, and you have good connection with your child.

Explain what you want them to learn, and why it is important:

“In our family, when Mum or Dad calls your name, you need to stop, look, and say, ‘Yes Mum.’ That helps your heart get ready to listen.”

Keep it short and keep your tone light.

2- Practice it like a game. 

You may have heard or used the  “Coming to Mummy” Game where you call their name and they run to you -it teaches your kids to physically move towards you and in particular when young not to run away.  This is a good skill to teach young children.  Another way to teach this response – especially for the runners is to play the “Stop” game -much like What’s the Time Mr Wolf – where you say stop and they have to freeze.  The key isn’t in the game, the key is in the practice and of course making it a game means your voice and body language are light and relational.  

So the Readiness game is about teaching them that whatever they are doing they need to be ready to respond to an authority.  This is a transferrable skill – they will have other teachers and adults in their life that they need to respond to when spoken to.

The Readiness game could go something like:  “We are going to play the Readiness game this morning. You need to always have your listening ears on. So when you hear me say your name, you stop what you’re doing, look at Mummy, and answer me.”

That’s what tells me you have a happy heart and are ready to listen.

Some people would say if you take this game as a role play to reverse roles and get them to practice on you.  I would say do this with caution.  Your child can’t just call you and expect you to come, but they can expect you to answer them with respect if they say your name.  So yes, roles can be reversed – to a degree.  Be careful that you don’t create an equality in the heart of your child that simply isn’t there.  You are the parent, they are the child though you relate to each other with listening ears and availability.  

3- Use consistent language – use the same words daily.

As parents, we need to find our own words, my words can help, but you need to find your own words so that they are the words you say over and over and over.  The more your child hears what they need to do and why it is the right thing to do – the quicker they learn the lesson and start making that choice.

When you want to play a practicing game – say something like: “Let’s practice using our listening ears.”

When they did a good job at using their listening ears – say something like: “I love how you stopped and looked at me, ready to listen. That was a good choice!”

When they miss it, try a gentle do-over by saying something like: “Oops! I think your listening ears were off. Let’s try that again.”

This keeps the tone instructional and relational – you don’t get into anger and telling off.  They are learning and practicing.  You are loving, patient and helping.

Neurodivergent Perspective on the Heart

Now let’s talk about what this looks like for neurodivergent children—or children who are processing trauma, who may struggle with focus, regulation, or communication.

Typical readiness cues—like eye contact, verbal responses, or even stopping quickly—may not be easy for every child.

But here’s the thing: the heart can still be willing to listen, the heart can still be ready to hear. But readiness might look different, it might look like:

• A pause
• A sideways glance
• A hand signal
• A quiet, still body

Our role, as parents, is to discern what readiness looks like in our child and train from there. 

Just because our child has extra struggles or a different way of looking at the world, we don’t remove the moral expectation of readiness and obedience, which means we still need to teach Readiness.  We don’t lower the standard – we simply adjust the journey.

Actually, one of the catch phrases that I often told myself in these types of parenting situations was – the destination is the same, the journey is different.  The destination is Readiness, the journey (the teaching and practicing) is different.

Heart-focused Parenting Action Step

Here are some things you can try this week:

• Find a calm teaching moment to use the Readiness Game and introduce your child to the idea of being ready for instructions.
• Start the practice of always getting close to your child, regardless of their age, before saying their name.  
• As you change your habits –  instead of calling out to them, get close to them before you say their name – you’ll be able to discern where their hearts or skills are at in terms of responding with submission. This will give you an idea of where to go with teaching.
• Depending on their age, talk with them about their responsibility to be ready to listen when you speak.
• Watch for the times they remember what you are teaching, and show you that they are ready to listen, make sure you praise their choices as you celebrate them. Say things like: 

• “That showed me you were ready to listen. Well done.”
• “You stopped so quickly—thank you!”

Let me leave you with this: We’re not just training obedience. We’re shaping a heart that knows how to respond to authority, to listen, and to do what’s right.

And if your child can’t do the right thing yet, they don’t need punishment—they need support. They need instruction. And they need practice.  So often parents look for the consequence but what they really need to give their child is encouragement and practice.

One final word—keep your own heart in check. Your tone, your facial expression, your posture—all of it teaches, even more than your words. So make sure you’re in a good place emotionally and relationally before giving instructions.

Don’t take resistance personally. You are teaching a God-honouring truth—but you must do it with a God-honouring attitude.

You can’t demand submission or readiness, but you can teach it. You can practice it. You can model it.

Parenting is a journey. Growing up is a journey. And by God’s grace, we don’t walk it alone.

The Holy Spirit is with you as you teach, train, and model Jesus to your children—even in something as small as learning to say, “Yes Mum.”

Hi there! I'm Belinda and I'm glad you are here!

I am a family life coach and help parents to raise their kids with faith, values and life skills in a way that is intentional, relational and heart-focused. Read more in my Introduction page

You can learn about heart-focused parenting through my podcast, blog and weekly email (Heart Boosters).

If you need help you can book a coach call or email me here.

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