A Framework that Works
3 core words you will hear me say often about parenting is to be intentional, relational and heart-focused.
There’s so much parenting information and advice out there – it is easy to feel overwhelmed and pulled in different directions. Which is why it is so important to come back to your foundation: to know what you believe and how you want to show up as a parent.
For me that meant being intentional, relational and heart-focused, so today I’m sharing what those words mean, and how they shape everything about how you do family life.
How to Be an Influence in Your Child's Life
Peter and I heard something like this somewhere along the way and rewrote it in our own words. It has become one of our family mottos.
Once you’ve read it, read it again with your parenting hat on…
When you show character,
people begin to respect you.
Over time, that respect grows into trust.
Over time, that trust builds a relationship.
When you have relationships with people,
You have influence into their lives.
So what are the moral choices that will lead to your children respecting you, trusting you and having a relationship with you?
Kindness, Patience, Self-control, Reliability, Availability – just to name a few.
Our kids see our choices – they are judging us – are we consistent with our own actions as we expect them to be with their choices? If not, we are sabotaging the very relationship we want to build.
We don’t have to be perfect, but we do have to own our mistakes and put them right, and keep on working on the things that we struggle with, just like we are helping our kids work on their issues.
Being invited into your older teen’s life, into their young adult life, because they restpect you, trust you, and value you is one of the biggest blessings of being a parent – but it starts with how we respond to life when they are just toddlers.
But also everything is redeemable with God, so if it hasn’t started out great, walking with God can turn it around.
Think about your Parenting Goal
Contrary to popular thought Parents are not here to change their children’s behaviour. Think about it – if behaviour is the reflection of what your children are feeling, and feelings are processed based on what we believe and understand – then the key to helping your child make wise choices is to make address what they believe and understand.
Their behaviour (their choices/actions) is simply a reflection of what is going on inside – and we can either demand they change their choices – which they might do if you are angry enough – or we can sit down and talka bout what is going on with their feelings and belief system.
Its much quicker to demand they do something else but when we take the time to address what is going on in the heart – the beliefs and values that are not helping them choose wisely – then we make a long term investment into our children’s lives.
Its time consuming, its hard – but oh so worth it!
What is the Heart?
Stop thinking that the heart is just the emotions. That is not how the Bible talks about the heart.
The heart is:
·The place where we process moral truth – the conscience
·The place where we understand, think, process, and know – the mind
·The place where we determine what we will do – the will
·The place where we feel – the emotions and passions
The heart is what makes us tick – it drives our character – the choices we make as we respond to people and situations.
So when your child is faced with a choice do they know what God says about that situation?
Do they know what is right or wrong?
Do they understand why?
Do they have the desire to do the right thing?
This is parenting the heart.
Start teaching truth to the heart—not just controlling actions by transforming your heart with the free Transform your Parenting email course – its free.
The Heart-Focused Reset Every Christian Parent Needs
This email course is a part of the Heart Booster Resources created for Christian Parents
- weekly emails to encourage your heart, and access to the Heart Boosters Library
for printables to help you build your family life.
Extra support is available
Whether you desire to change your own habits, your family culture or how your children are behaving, coaching will provide you with ideas, support and accountability. My approach is to focus on your values and to clarify the steps necessary so you can eventually see those values lived out in the life of your family. Working with a coach is an effective way to move forward in your family life.
Follow on Social Media:
Hi there! I'm Belinda and I'm glad you are here!
I am a family life coach and help parents to raise their kids with faith, values and life skills in a way that is intentional, relational and heart-focused. Read more in my Introduction page
You can learn about heart-focused parenting through my podcast, blog and weekly email (Heart Boosters).
If you need help you can book a coach call or email me here.
.
.
Search by using keywords to find what you are looking for