3 Mindset Shifts For Christian Parents when Dealing with Strong-willed Behaviour.
If you think that you being calm depends on your kids’ choices, let me tell you, that is wrong thinking!
You can be calm – even when they aren’t. Their emotions, their actions aren’t the boss of you.
Being calm is something God can give you as you lean on him in those hard moments of parenting.
Episode #103 of Heart-focused Parenting addresses 3 mindset shifts that helped me respond calmly regardless of the choices my kids made – and they’re for any parent who feels like they’re always one step away from snapping.
Let this be your Posture
How often do we apply that to our interactions with our kids?
I think it is a very good Bible verse for us as Christian parents to focus on – let this be the posture you carry into your parenting this week.
How often do we apply this verse to our interactions with our kids?
I think it is a very good Bible verse for us as Christian parents to focus on – let this be the posture you carry into your parenting this week.
As God changes our heart (and our actions) we will see a flow on effect in our kids’ behaviour. And though that may be true – the reason we want to obey Scripture is because we love God, and want to honour Him in all our actions (including our parenting)!!
Renewing our Mind
Your words matter—but so do your thoughts.
Because your tone (how we say the words) doesn’t just come from your voice… It flows from what you believe in that moment: your mindset.
If you believe that your kids are an inconvenience, your tone will be annoyed.
If you believe your kids are purposefully playing dumb, your tone will be frustrated.
If you believe your kids are out to get you, your tone will be angry.
When we train ourselves to think differently—to believe the best, to stay calm, to remember our purpose—then our tone begins to shift too.
We need to be thinking right thoughts about our kids, their learning, our parenting if we are to say the right words in the right tone – and be a respectful, kind parent.
Teach not Control
I must admit control seems a faster way to parent: tell them what to do and they do it. But it doesn’t shape the heart.
Well, actually, it does – it teaches our kids to obey out of fear and we don’t want that!
We want our kids to understand what is right, why it is right and how to do right – in all sorts of situations. It is our job and Christian Parents to teach them. We need to teach not control.
It means slowing down, teaching patiently, and walking with them for the journey – however long it takes!
💙🕰️Heart-focused parenting takes longer, but has longer-lasting fruit!
If you struggle to make this switch, I can help with a coaching call. Check out my Parent Coaching here
Do the Heart Work Yourself
You can only pretend or cover up for so long – eventually the pressure builds and the steam pops off!
For parenting to be done well we need to do some heart-work ourselves. We need to deal with the false expectations, the feelings of comparison and shame, the negative talk, not walking in forgiveness, being gripped by fear – you know what it is that sets you off.
I encourage you to find someone who can help you process your thoughts and feelings so that you can parent with right thinking about God, yourself and your role as a parent.
Become a person of Character
A person of character is a person who is known for their wise choices. Just like we want our children to make choices based on virtues we need to make sure we are making wise choices, and growing in character ourselves. The idea of being calm when our kids push all our buttons is a issue of Self-control.
I encourage you to think about what this virtue looks like in your life, and in your kids life – learn and practice together.
Grow in Self-control
Character Trait of Self-Control
The ability to manage your thoughts, emotions, and actions, even under pressure.
Choosing to do what’s right, even when you want something else.
The vice, opposite to virtue, is impulsiveness.
Why it matters for the parent:
Without self-control, mindset shifts remain good intentions. A calm, purposeful response depends on the parent choosing to pause, reflect, and act based on what’s true, not react based on feelings in the moment.
Self-control helps parents:
- Resist reacting to a child’s struggles or poor choices
- Stay consistent with their values (based on God’s word)
- Teach and encourage their child rather than compete with them emotionally
Why it matters for the child:
Children are still learning how to process big emotions, navigate disappointment, and make wise choices under pressure.
Training in self-control gives them:
- Emotional language and tools for calming down
- Understanding of cause-and-effect in their actions
- Confidence that they can grow in handling hard moments
Conversation Prompts
True conversation is never a question and answer type of thing – we must learn to ask open ended questions, and then be ready to ask a follow up question, or share our own thoughts. This skill deepens your relationship with your spouse and with your children.
Don’t ask all 5 questions in one setting (especially not with your children) but familiarise yourself with them so when an opportunity arises you have a heart-focused conversation prompt ready to go.
🗣️ 5 Conversation Starters for Parents and Kids
“What helps you calm down when something feels unfair or frustrating?”
“Have you ever said something you didn’t mean because you were upset?”
“When things get loud or stressful in our home, what do you wish we could do differently?”
“What does it feel like when someone stays calm while you’re upset?”
“What should we do as a family when one of us starts to feel out of control?”
🗣️ 5 Conversation Starters for Husband & Wife
“What do you think triggers you the most when it comes to the kids’ behaviour?”
“When we stay calm in tough moments, what do you think changes for the kids?”
“How did our own upbringing shape how we respond under pressure?”
“What’s one way we can support each other better when parenting feels overwhelming?”
“What kind of emotional atmosphere do we want our kids to remember growing up in?”
Extra support is available
Whether you desire to change your own habits, your family culture or how your children are behaving, coaching will provide you with ideas, support and accountability. My approach is to focus on your values and to clarify the steps necessary so you can eventually see those values lived out in the life of your family. Working with a coach is an effective way to move forward in your family life.
Follow on Social Media:
Hi there! I'm Belinda and I'm glad you are here!
I am a family life coach and help parents to raise their kids with faith, values and life skills in a way that is intentional, relational and heart-focused. Read more in my Introduction page
You can learn about heart-focused parenting through my podcast, blog and weekly email (Heart Boosters).
If you need help you can book a coach call or email me here.
.
.
Search by using keywords to find what you are looking for
0 Comments