Mums have always worn many hats. But today’s mums are doing it with less margin, higher expectations, and less support than ever before. No wonder you’re exhausted. Let’s talk about how we got here—and what we can do to live today in a healthy way.

Why Modern Motherhood Feels So Exhausting—and What You Can Do About It

Being a mum has never been easy. But something has changed in the last one or two generations.

My mum juggled housework, parenting, and community life. I did the same. I had space to think, plan, and be intentional – to be intentional in all spheres of our family life. I had time to notice my kids, teach them values, and respond with purpose.

But today’s mums are in a different world. We could say that more mums have an outside of the home job, either full-time, part-time, or as a side hustle, but I think there are some broader societal shifts that are impacting us as well. 

That’s what I’d like to reflect on today.  But this can’t just be a reflection on the woes of modern society – instead, I’d hope that you’ll take a good hard look at the things you are allowing to influence your life, and your family life – and ask what you can do to do things differently.

Even though today is a different scene than when I had kids, as Christian parents, we are always making decisions that cut across the cultural norm.  How we spend our time, energies, money and focus is always a challenge when we are committed to living with Jesus as Lord – in a world that doesn’t acknowledge Him at all.

Why Modern Motherhood Feels So Different Today

So here are a few thoughts on what I think has changed – and is impacting our family life.

1. The pace of life has exploded

We’re living faster. More activities, more commitments, more decisions every single day. There’s no natural pause. Family life is go-go-go – 7 days a week.  My queston is – does it have to be that way.  We have to look at our values an all the commitments we have to see if those things are helping us towards our goals.  

2. Technology keeps us always “on”

Instead of downtime, we scroll – taking in information or stimulation of some way. Instead of quiet evenings, we’re replying to texts or doom scrolling thinking we are relaxing. We never switch off. And our brains are overloaded.  We reach this overload, we don’t even recognise it at times.  The question is – can we turn off technology to redeem or restore some downtimne iwth our family.  I wonder what the benefits of that would be?

3. Parenting has become a performance

We’re not just raising kids—we’re trying to keep up with experts, trying to be a Pinterest mum, keeping up with Instagram, and podcasts. It feels like there’s always something more we should be doing – a parenting method, mindset, or Bible truth we’re missing. There is always more – learning more, doing more.  We have to question that – where do we get our information from and who are we trying to impress.

4. We’ve lost the village

Many parents raise children either away from extended family or the extended family is equally busy and struggling too.  Our homes aren’t nestled in a community, we don’t know our neighbour for a cup of sugar let alone help with our kids! 

5. We’re expected to do everything and be everything

We carry this constant inner pressure to be everything—to be a patient mum, supportive wife, thoughtful friend, wise educator, spiritual guide, and emotional anchor. And when we can’t hold it all together, the guilt creeps in. We feel like we’re failing—like we should be doing more, doing better, or at least not dropping the ball so often. It’s exhausting trying to live up to an invisible standard that says we have to be all things to all people, all the time. My question is – who says this?  Who are we listening to?

3 Practical Lessons for Parenting in Today’s World

And because all these things have slowly crept in, we didn’t notice it happening. We just woke up one day wondering why we’re constantly tired and stretched thin—even though we’re doing the things we love – we love being our children, we love creating memories and discipling them. But we are tired – and when we are tired we don’t parent at our best.

So even though I know life is different these days, there are 3 things that I’d like you to consider – three lessons I learnt back in the day that I think are still valid today.  

1- Create Margin

Margin is a word that’s been tossed around a lot over the years.  Margin is creating the space in your life where you are not rushing from one thing to the next, where you have time to breathe, reflect, recover, reset, reconnect.  

We say we don’t have time for margin because we have to do this and that, and then there’s that other thing.  That’s the whole point of intentionally looking to see where you need to create margin.  And that’s the key – we need to create it.  It won’t ever just happen.  Stuff will always fill a space.  If you have space on your calendar – guarantee something will pop up.  

To create margin, you have to prioritise what you are going to spend your time on, and then you have to value rest time, relationship time, and recovery time.  Because if you don’t value those things that happen when you have margin – you won’t protect it, you’ll let other things creep in. If you are going to have margin – you have to block out time – for nothing to happen!

For example – I used to finish being an active mum around 7pm!   That is when my kids went to bed, or had very quiet time on their own.  7pm a switch went off in my brain and I needed space and quiet. I was not available after 7pm (generally speaking) 7-9pm was margin in my day.

The temptation of course, is to use it to catch up on the chores.  But it has to be used for me to breathe, for me to catch up on ‘me’ so I could be prepared for the next day.  Now I’m not saying you have to have a 7 pm reset.  That worked for us – we were a family of early risers – I was up at 5 and kids up and going at 6.  So 7 pm worked for me.  But the principles of finding margin are

1. Make sure the things that fill your days are important to you for this season of your life.
2. Intentionally plan to have margin – time to breathe, time where you haven’t planned anything – which gives you time to regroup.  

When I think of margin, I think of the white space around the type on a page in a book.  If that type went right to the edge, it would be really hard to read.  The white space gives us the visual relief to be able to focus and read the words.  We need white space in our lives.  And if you don’t have it, I’m going to suggest that you are doing too much.  And I’m encouraging you to think about that.

2- Change your Expectations

The 2nd lesson is to change your Expectations.

We live in a world of comparisons and social media – either starts the lie or perpetuates it – says you have to keep doing more or you are not doing enough.  

Who measures enough?  Enough is an ambiguous term.  It’s like a bag with a hole in it – it will never be filled, it will never be enough.

We must get our measure of success (our measure of enough) from God.  

I always say – every season of life has its own opportunities and limitations.  When we ignore our limitations, we keep pushing and we miss the priorities of this season, and we end up exhausted.  

So three thoughts for you to think about

1. Do you see yourself as human or superhuman?  Seriously – think about that.  Because superhuman says I can do all the things.  That’s actually a fairly humanistic thought because a human is limited.  If we look at humanity from God’s perspective, we know that is true.  As a human, we have limited capacity – but we also have an unlimited God who does not ask us to be unlimited!  
2. Why are you doing the things you are doing?  And at what cost?  Our lives can be filled with good things – but too many good things could have a negative impact.  Peter and I often ask: Is this a good thing or a God thing?  Makes you pause.
3. Are you prepared to do things counter-cultural for the sake of your kids, your marriage, your health, your purpose?  This is a big question, and I would hate it to get lost in the middle of this podcast – so if you can, write it down – or go to the block and copy it down later. I’ll say it again – – – .  Are you prepared to do things differently than the people around you?  If your values are different, if your vision for your family is different, then you will have to do different things to make your vision become a reality.   

3- Create Community

We live in a lonely world.  Which is rather ironic – we are connected supposedly online, we live in houses that are squished up against each other, but loneliness is on the rise – for every age demographic, and mums fall into that too. 

We are not made to do life alone – we are made for relationships, we are made for community. 

This is one of those counter-cultural things – but if you are missing community, my encouragement to you is to be the friend you need.  

One of my biggest blessings when I had kids was that I had women who were in different seasons of life as my friends, they were older than me, mums of teenagers or young adults.  Though having a friend in the same season of life is indeed a blessing – it isn’t always going to happen – so don’t limit yourself to that kind of friend. 

Look for a friend – wherever God has placed you.  And maybe even more importantly – Be a friend. 

Be counter-cultural – and smile, say hello.
Make a coffee date
Invite someone over – even if the house isn’t perfect (be brave!)
Offer to help instead of waitingfor them to ask you.

You don’t have to wait for community to find you – you can start building it one brave small step at a time. 

Being a blessing to others will open doors to relationships – it will build connection and support with others.  I guess – be the friend, be the change you want to see.

You are not failing as a Mum

If these thoughts have given you pause I want to say one more thing – just because you have to (or want to) make changes it doesn’t mean you have failed.  Failing is a modern construct that goes hand in hand with the guilt that mums feel.  You only fail if you walk away and ignore your child, or neglect your child.  A mother who is actively trying to be the best mum they can be isn’t failing – instead she is taking responsibility, growing and learning and doing the best she can.  That’s you listening here today.  Being the best mum you can be.  

I believe that we can always change, we make make changes to live differently.  Whether you have slipped into chaos or you have never known anything different – you can make choices that will change things for you and for your kids.  

Our culture pulls us away from the things that really matter – relationships, people, family.  

Creating margin, resetting your expectations on yourself, and building community take work, take effort – and that’s not a bad thing.  That is the reality of the world we live in – but God will give you the wisdom, and the grace to be able to make those changes and to help you create a lifestyle for your family that reflects the things that God puts on your heart.  

Heart-focused Parenting Action Step

Maybe there is a whole pile of things going through your head that you want to change.  But you can only make changes one step at a time.  So this week, block out one evening for reconnecting with your family and resetting yourself.  Give yourself and your family the joy of just being together.  No chores – and can I even say – no phones.  Enjoy being together with no external demands. When you do that, you are starting to prioritise relationships, you’re starting to carve out margin from your responsibilities so you can breathe and be with the ones you love.

If that is a thing you do regularly, then I’m going to encourage you to block out an evening where you can think about the crazy and chaotic spots in your life, and ask God how those times in your week, can become calm, peaceful, grace-based times that glorify Him.  Think about it,  pray about it, and make a plan to make changes in those particular areas.

If you know something has to change but you’re not sure where to start, coaching can help. I have 1-hour coaching slots for $30, where we’ll look at what is going on in your family life, identify your key values that you want to be in your family, and build a doable plan. Coaching information here

Parenting from your values, where you are not rushing along by the pressures of the world, is one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids. Let’s walk towards that this week.

Hi there! I'm Belinda and I'm glad you are here!

I am a family life coach and help parents to raise their kids with faith, values and life skills in a way that is intentional, relational and heart-focused. Read more in my Introduction page

You can learn about heart-focused parenting through my podcast, blog and weekly email (Heart Boosters).

If you need help you can book a coach call or email me here.

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